does anyone listen to elliot in the morning on dc101? i don’t.

but, my wonderful boyfriend, mikey, does. this scenario feels worth writing about, and it seems appropriate to introduce mikey in this way to brain dump‘s lore.

honestly, i am hesitant to write about mikey. first of all, we agreed to not share our complaints about each other on the internet, for example on a subreddit like r/amitheasshole. so, i am inherently afraid of crossing the line between sharing my admiration vs sharing my annoyance. second of all, i am keeping brain dump a secret from him for now. 

and don’t get it twisted about why i am keeping this a secret for now. he will learn about this eventually. as much as our relationship has healed me and brought so much positivity, i find myself yearning for my teenagehood. 

in my teenage years, i would write and create art whenever i wanted. it’s not like he explicitly stops me from pursuing my passions. the onus is on me, because the truth is, i am obsessed with him. he cannot get away from me even if he tried. i’m the problem. so, in the moments between work and sleep, i have to develop brain dump, because i mourn the days when i created something all on my own. i know i have it in me to pursue something independently. 

anyways, mikey approached me this morning with a request: send elliot a self-addressed stamped envelope (sase). 

mikey works an on-site job from 7 am-5 pm most days. when he comes home, he eats dinner, showers, then goes to sleep. i work from home, and i have moments throughout the day where i can be a person instead of a corporate goblin. so of course, i wanted to send out a sase on behalf of my hardworking boyfriend, who is infatuated with this radio host in the dmv. 

as alluded in “i got scammed,” mikey and i moved out of the dmv (which stands for district of columbia, maryland, and virginia in this case by the way). we met in college and lived in the area during the entirety of our relationship. we recently moved to connecticut for reasons i won’t outwardly disclose to the internet yet. 

if i was so emotional moving out of maryland, (which is not even where i am from, but it is where i built my own community for the first time and grew as young adult) that i went as far as getting scammed out of $150, i could only imagine what mikey feels internally. sure, he was elated and confident over the decision to move. we planned this for over a year and have everything to look forward to. 

however, even with all the positives, there is still a certain grief associated with leaving your college town and entering “the real world,” especially with a random girl you met on tinder in 2021. at least for me, the distress was associated with the idea that i left all that i have ever known for the past six years, and that i am moving to new england with a random boy i met on tinder in 2021.

i trust this random boy with all my heart. still, sometimes adulthood is just throwing shit at a wall and saying “i think it’s sticking” or “for sure! that shit is stuck!” or worse, “that shit fell off.” right now we are at the early stages of this new life in connecticut, and we think this shit is sticking, but we won’t know it is stuck until we are a year in or so. the unknown shit is scary, but normal and healthy for our development (and bowel movements). 

i had to call mikey while he was at work to get clarification on what a sase is. every google search seemed to leave me astray, and i wanted to get this task done right for him. 

while traveling to work every day, mikey tunes in to elliot in the morning. it is ingrained in his routine to listen to a radio host from the place he lived for the last seven years (he is a year older so he started college a year before me, which is why i was there for six and he was there for seven). i was determined to get this sticker, which for me honors his morning commute to his grueling job and the old life we had in the dmv. 

when i called mikey, he seemed excited to converse. he was in the middle of weeding, which is a tedious job in his field, and he had nothing to do but pull roots and listen to his thoughts. i asked him if he knew what a sase was and if my approach was correct. he laughed and told me that google was wrong; elliot explained it on the show this morning. 

i had to use three business-sized envelopes: one addressed to elliot from us, one addressed to mikey from elliot, and another addressed to me from elliot (because i wanted a sticker too for all the work i am putting into this). 

as i was filling out the envelopes and sticking a stamp in the top right corner of each envelope (i feel like three stamps for two stickers is not a fair trade) i realized i should write a note to elliot as well, so he could know what his radio show means to mikey during this transition period.

after i wrote this message to elliot, i realized that maybe i should have drafted it in my notes app first. i wish i could have gotten the wording right and not sound like a corporate goblin delirious from sending emails all day. there are so many grammatical and sentence structure mistakes (on brand, i know, but still). also, i have to point out that i know i put 3.5 years, and i did this because that is the amount of time we spent while in maryland together.

even though i am embarrassed by my juvenile letter, i thought “elliot would love a random piece of loose-leaf paper with gibberish on it. from what i know about him, he seems like a guy who would appreciate a lowkey letter like this. i stuffed it in the business-sized envelope along with the two sases and sent it.

i won’t know if elliot or any of his coworkers will receive it until we get the stickers. i wonder if the message will even be read, or if it will end up in a pile of trash with all the other messages from people who actually live in the dmv. but taking time out of my day to do this for mikey felt satisfying. he may not admit that he misses maryland, but i have comfort in knowing that he honors our time there together in his own way.